Monday, October 24, 2011
Some spiritual teachings say that the root of suffering is desire, craving, want of what we do not have. But I wonder often, is it wrong to want? The sacred scriptures say that above all we should desire God's love. But what if it does not come natural to us? God, the invisible unseen is supposed to be the most desirable. Yet time and time again I have found that in this natural world, all that I have wanted, all that those around me have wanted and craved was to truly be loved by another. To crave human love is as natural as the breath that we breathe. Yet it is ever elusive, always fleeting, always withdrawing.
I enjoy the solitude. I truly can and do appreciate being and living alone. However, on a deeper level I know that I hunger for someone to share my life with. I don't believe in perfection. No one can ever be that. But I do long for a love to share my life with. Years ago when I was unhappily ever after I used to cry to God (literally), I used to ask in those tearful moments, Is there really love? Does love really exist? Can anyone ever truly love? Is there real loving love? I was longing and crying out for that love that we all hope for. In the midst of enjoying my solitude I have found that again I am crying out to God for that love. True love, real love, deep love, a love that doesn't withdraw. A love that I've yet to experience. A love that would give all. A love that would not sacrifice me, but sacrifice for me. Does it really exist? I have imagined that it truly only exists between us and God. Still seeking. Shall I ever find?