Friday, March 19, 2021

Admit. Atone. Ask.

There have been several recent incidents in the media that have me thinking about sincere apologies and patterns of behavior that belie it. 

Public apologies by public figures should first be to the individual(s) that they’ve wronged. If they first apologize to the public, they need your money or your attention (or both) and chances are, the apology is NOT sincere. We have seen it too many times, with celebrities, politicians, media figures and so on. They are trying to save a livelihood, not heal a rift. 

I do not actually care about drama with public figures of any kind. What I observe are patterns of behavior. We as the public/consumers of various things should be more discerning. When we recognize these patterns we won’t be taken in easily by people who deceive us, nor will we be be complicit in toxic patterns of behavior. Once we recognize it in one it’s easier to recognize it going forward (with practice). 

The first key is (of course) to not put individuals on pedestals, they are bound to fall. The second is observe if the behavior, are they taking actions to atone for their mistakes or jumping right to forgiveness? The third and I’m sorry to say, we cannot take everything at face value. There are many people who are very good at being deceptive and we must use discernment to determine if certain people further warrant our time and energy. 

Real reconciliation starts with these basic three elements: 1. Admit the mistake, 2. Atone for it. Be accountable for ones actions. 3. Ask for forgiveness. Just like in math, there is an order of operation. You cannot skip steps. When one does not first admit they did something wrong it is not an apology, there is still pride involve and there is no way beyond the first step without admission. If a person asks for forgiveness without admitting the mistake, simply ask, what are you asking forgiveness for? Or what are you apologizing for.m? Wash rinse repeat if they keep trying to skip ahead to forgiveness. 

This is applicable not just with public figures but in daily life, relationships, and social situations.  This awareness comes from years of direct personal experiences with people with people narcissistic behavior and clinically diagnosed narcissists. It also comes from my observances of many people over the years, public and private. 

There are far more narcissists amongst us than we are aware of and it is clear that social media has nurtured narcissistic behavior. We don’t have to be on guard but we certainly should be aware. I hope this helps. 

Sunday, March 7, 2021

Narcissists and the Root Chakra (Muladhara)

Yesterday I realized after a meditation on love that my ex destroyed my root chakra (figuratively speaking. You cannot destroy a Chakra but you sure can fuck it up). The root is the foundation. She always had to recalibrate me. After every big fight or break up, she wanted to have sex.  She was solidifying the trauma bond at the very root of it all.  Stability, Security, and Sensuality are all at the wheelhouse of the Root Chakra. Narcissists use sex as a weapon against their prey. It’s exactly how every narcissist gets in and demolishes the self esteem of their prey. If you destroy the foundation you get to rebuild it into whatever you want. 

All narcissistic people unconsciously know to attack the root chakra. If they can destroy your foundation and trauma bond you with sex it’ll be extremely hard to walk away because they have become your new foundation unbeknownst to us.  Goddamn. I feel like I am cracking the code vibrationally.

The key to keeping people safe from Narcs in the first place is protecting the root chakra. 

Use any of the affirmations below for support of your foundation after or during a relationship with a Narcissist. In time it will help.

Leave it at the Door

When I was a massage therapist, I used to say that my work was a one our vacation from my troubles. Each massage I would leave any worries at the door and focus solely on my client. Meditation is that for me. I have been a meditator for more than 20 years and I always learn something new, or go a little deeper with the things that I have learned over the years. When you sit to meditate, consider dropping your problems at the door. Remember, they will be there when you finish, so there’s no need to let them distract you in meditation. I know, easier said than done. But if you make this a practice, each and every meditation it will become easier and easier to cultivate this habit. 

Start now by visualizing yourself at the door of your meditation room. Say to yourself when you reach the threshold “I will leave my problems here no need to take them with me into meditation.” If problems don’t assail you during meditation, try the word “thoughts”. If various thoughts carry you all over the place during meditation and you find it difficult to calm the “monkey mind” substitute that word “thoughts” in the affirmation. Whatever it is that is a challenge during your meditation remind yourself before you begin to leave it at the door.